


Azriel (ACOTAR) ~ Beautiful

by acourtofbookishdreams



Category: ACOTAR, sarah j maas - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29557566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acourtofbookishdreams/pseuds/acourtofbookishdreams
Relationships: heterosexual - Relationship
Kudos: 19





	Azriel (ACOTAR) ~ Beautiful

This is an Azriel x Reader fic. However, it is written in first person is that is how I prefer to read imagines (for me, using the word 'I' instead of 'you' makes me draw that much more into the story as if I were thinking the things mentioned at each point...if that makes sense lol)

**

I shivered throughly in the cold, teeth chattering lightly from behind my frozen lips. Feyre wasn't kidding when she'd told us this inn was like an ice box - even to the thick skin of the High Fae.

The order from our esteemed High Lady had led to the necessary overnight stay in the same inn she and Rhys had stayed in about a century ago. Feyre and I had become fast friends after the war with Hybern, after the Court of Nightmares had been allowed restricted entry into Velaris as part of Keir's Darkbringers being...loaned to them.

Velaris was everything I had wanted, everything I had dreamed of. Like Mor, I was a dreamer born into the Court of Nightmares and my kindred heart had spoke to everyone in the inner circle - it didn't take long before I became yet another number in the circle.

"Are you alright?" Azriel's low, deep voice sounded behind me, another shiver eliciting from me as he closed the door to the room behind us with a soft click.

"Just...cold" I sigh, "Feyre wasn't kidding."

Azriel chuckled softly - so softly the sound escaped and vanished into the mist of warm breath it elicited from his mouth.

Turning to face the room, I realised there wasn't much in it - just grey floorboards, grey walls and...one bed.

Feyre. 

I growled internally, finally coming to the conclusion that this entire trip was most likely merely nothing more than another of her matchmaking schemes she had become known for over the years.

Feyre Cursebreaker, more like Feyre Matchmaker.

It was no secret that Azriel and I had danced over our attraction for each other ever since we'd met. It was a source of relief for the entire Circle - most notably, Mor, who with Azriel's attention somewhat gone from her, had finally come out to us all about 50 years ago, which was the final nail in the coffin of Azriel's pining.

The relief of the entire Court was palpable when those longing glances towards Mor vanished, the awkward tension, Cassian's odd scapegoat role - but was almost immediately followed with trepidation as those looks turned to me instead.

In some ways, I could understand their frustration, it was so clear how we felt for each other - but we'd never acted on it, never said it. It was an unspoken acknowledgement that went, for the most part...unacknowledged.

For whatever reason - whether it be my own trauma, my own issues, or the fact he had spent over 500 years pining for the same woman...we-I just wasn't ready to admit it, to say it, to..act on it.

No doubt why Feyre was subtly pulling the strings behind the scenes to make it happen. 

"I did request a second bed" Azriel says, "The innkeeper said they didn't have one and..."

"It wouldn't fit" I shake my head, finishing his sentence, "Not in this shoebox, definitely not."

Azriel nodded in agreement, head ducking just a little lower, "I will sleep on the floor."

"You will do no such thing" I scoff, prancing toward the bed and slumping onto it, patting the empty space beside me, "We've been friends for 100 years, Azriel, I'm sure we can share a bed."

"Alright" Azriel agrees, a ghost of a smile flickering upon his sensual lips...I tear my gaze away from those lips and instead meet his eyes as he flares his wings a little, allowing them the stretch before he would undoubtedly need to tuck them in for the rest of the night to avoid them getting caught on the snags in the floorboards.

Halfway to the bed, he stops and pulls his gauntlets off, his weapons adorning his legs and arms and any spare space a blade could fit. Truth-Teller, however, he leaves sheathed at his side.

As he prepared himself for bed, I lay down on the mattress, sliding back towards where the slant in the roof was, tucking myself under the sheets and curling into a ball on my side, facing him - allowing him the side with more room, more space to stretch those wings out.

Noticing my courtesy, he smiles softly in thanks and I duck my head in a silent 'you're welcome.' It had always been like that with us - able to communicate with smiles and nods and gestures, rarely needing to resort to words.

Of course, Feyre liked to see that as a potential mating bond but that...that was, at this point, was a slim possibility. The only thing that could potentially unveil it would be...

I growl softly, this time outwardly at the realisation. Azriel stops mid way from sliding into the bed, shooting a curious and concerned look at me. I shake my head, confirming its not him I'm growling at and he slides the rest of the way into the bed, wings flaring out and beyond him.

Having sex.

That was the only thing that could possibly reveal a mating bond between us and our position now, in the same bed, the same inn that Feyre had-

Fucking Feyre.

Another low growl slips from me and this time, gesture weren't enough for Azriel's as he said, "What's wrong?"

This time I didn't dodge or lie, "Feyre. And her incessant meddling."

Another soft smile from Azriel, "You would think she'd get bored of it."

"Oh, I doubt it." I scoff, "Not until every one of us is paired up and as happy as she is."

The statement seemed to make Azriel slightly uncomfortable - perhaps too close to the confession neither of us had made or would make...maybe ever.

I let the room fall into a comfortable quiet and find myself...staring at him. His eyes, more specifically. Almost identical to Cassian's but where his fire brightened them, flaring like a living ember amongst the brown and green and yellows of his golden hazel eyes, Azriel's was...like a living golden flame made ice.

The brightness, the colour was all there but amongst the multi-hued tones of hazel, flickers of ice blue so infinitesimal I hadn't even notice them until now - so close, so wholly focused on nothing but those hazel depths...

A soft, almost silent gasp elicited from me as I realised as I was staring at him, drinking in the colours and hues and shades of his eyes...he was also doing the same to me. My gasp, too, brought him out of it and his gaze dropped from my eyes - not wholly away from me, never that but just...focused less on my eyes and more on my entire face, the way a friend would usually look at another while talking.

My brows creased a bit, the slightest of frowns - why did we bother with this dance? With denying what we was so clearly felt?

To distract myself from ruminating too much more on those thoughts or from Azriel requesting to know them, I uncurled myself from my little ball, stretching my arms before me, reaching for Azriel's forearm.

He slid his arm back slightly, hesitating. I paused my own movements, again meeting his eyes, my gaze questioning, beseeching...requesting. With a small tremor of his hand, he extended it towards me, palm down, right above my own extended hand. An offering.

I took his hand in mine, so warm despite the ice in his eyes, the ice in his shadows I could feel emanating from behind me, encasing the rest of the room in darkness. If anyone were to walk in, they'd see nothing but black despite the power of the full moon's light.

With my other hand, I brushed softly over those harsh, blinding white scars, the moon's light casting them an even paler shade, so stark against his tanned skin. A harsh intake of breath paused me in my movements - well, harsh for Azriel. For anyone else it was barely a gasp but for the silent, stalwart spymaster...it was a loud sound.

Meeting his eyes, another question within them, I wait for his answering gaze, the confirmation to continue. A barely perceptible nod and I continued my exploration of those scars. Cold - colder than the rest of his skin, smooth and silky where his palm was covered in calluses from weapon wielding and iridescent in the moonlight, white and shining.

Before I can make myself reconsider, I make the boldest move I'd ever made with him - bending my head before those scars, I brushed my lips across the top of his hand in a soft, light kiss, the silky-smoothness of his scars like a gentle, cool caress.

"Beautiful" I whisper into the darkness, raising my head to meet his gaze once again.

Raw, undiluted emotion swam within them - so at odds against the cold set of his face, the mask he never let slip - in front of me, in front of Mor, in front of Rhys. Nobody. A glimmer of silver traced the line of his eye - tears. Tears he wouldn't shed, I knew that, but the sight of them there...it broke me. So did the doubt tinged with disgust.

"They're beautiful" I enunciated again, forcing him to hear the words, the truth behind them.

Azriel closes his eyes, hand tightening around mine, I squeezed back and his wings flared in the darkness. I could have sworn they also shuddered in the shadow-kissed dark.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the words I was about to speak. The declaration I was finally going to make.

"Azriel, I-" I swallow loudly, forcing the nerves to abate - even if for just a moment. There would be no more skirting around the feelings we both knew I felt, "I-"

"Don't say it," his words were a broken plea, a wrought and destroyed thing, "Please, don't say it."

"Why" I breathed, not quite a question, my browns furrowing with hurt - maybe he didn't feel how I thought he did. Didn't want to ruin the friendship we had.

"I'm not worthy of it. I'm a bastard born...nothing" His voice...it destroyed me, wrecked me, shattered me with the pain it portrayed, the full scope of how worthless he felt.

And his mask, the one of cold indifference, of calculating it calm...it slipped and - faltered completely. The mask he never let slip, now disappeared before me - only for me, maybe even only now, for this one moment of complete and total vulnerability. 

The emotion from his eyes now leaking into every feature of his face, bowing his eyebrows toward his nose in a deep, self-loathing frown, his mouth downturned, his throat bobbing and those tears...one slipped from his eye.

I released one of his hands from my touch, guiding that now free hand to wipe the tear from his cheek, the silvery wetness of it clinging to my finger. 

When my gaze unfocused from that tear, I went to meet his eyes again only to see his shadows were ensconcing him. He was almost completely invisible, his wings nothing more than blackness.

"No" I breathe, this time grabbing both of his hands, clutching them to my chest, his scars resting upon my collarbone, and sliding myself closer, so close that I encroached upon his shadows, forcing them either to scatter or to envelop me too.

A pause in the shadows movement - considering. With a shuddering breath, I whispered, "Don't hide from me. Never hide - not from me. Please."

Suddenly, the shadows surged forward, swallowing us both in their darkness, the moon's light disappearing as the solid warmth of Azriel's body chased away the coldness of them.

His shadows made seeing him impossible and, for a moment, I thought maybe he knew - they knew - what I was about to say next, that he could only stomach hearing me out, allowing me to say my piece if he didn't have to see the sincerity upon my face...or allowing me to see the emotion on his.

"You are worthy" I said, my voice a soft and distraught mess, "Cauldron, Azriel, you are so worthy. You are beautiful and strong and courageous and loyal and I...I love you."

The shadows stopped their writing, turning the once roiling darkness into a solid blanket coating us.

"You love me?" 

And Mother help me, the uncertainty, the surprise and shock in those words...it fractured me even more.

"Let me see you" I begged. I would not tell him these things with those shadows hiding him from my sigh any longer. The shadows stayed. "Azriel, please."

My wrecked plea was the shadows undoing and they floated back, drifting on that phantom room to again cover the space between his wings and the door, revealing all of him to me.

"Yes" I whispered, "I do love you. I have loved you for a long while, but you already knew that. We both did."

The vulnerability seemed to overwhelm him and again those shadows seemed to creep closer. Releasing his scarred and beautiful hands from my chest, I let them drop to the bed and slid myself into the last pocket of space between our bodies, my arms sliding between the spaces either side of his face to link around his neck, to hold me unbreakably to him.

"No" I growled, the first harsh words I'd spoken this night, "No more hiding. If your shadows come to claim you, they must now do the same to me."

He knew I didn't mean the literal shadows behind him, around him - it was the shadows within him I spoke of. The fear and pain and self-hate that plagued his every thought, that stopped him from ever pursuing Mor, from pursuing me. No longer would they tell him he didn't deserve what he wanted, what he desired.

Never again.

It took me a moment to realise he'd halted the shadows and I met his eyes, to see the emotion there, to realise neither of us had spoken in a while.

"I..." His voice hitched, his breathing uneven and I watched the internal battled behind his eyes of what I said and he felt and what his mental scars and trauma told him he deserved, "I...have always loved you."

The last four words rushed out like an avalanche, in one smooth motion, encompassed on one breath.

My eyebrows twitched inward, a momentary frown as I fought back the tears that threatened to spill. Instead, I beamed at him, the light radiating from it rivalling the moonlight's glare behind me.

"You're beautiful" Azriel whispered, his attention fixed on that smile - only for him, "So beautiful."

"Stealing my words now, are you?" I smirk, bringing in some much needed humour to cut the tension of our confessions, the pain and relief that mingled there, "Have you none of your own?"

Azriel's face contorted into a mask I knew meant trouble, "I don't need to resort to words"

My toes curled at the possession in his tone, the seductive and sultry promise.

Scenting the change in me, he smirked, "Not here"

I pouted and he let out a low snarl, his own hands sliding around my waist to pull me ever closer, flush to his body, legs tangling with mine. I tilted my head upward, exposing the column of my throat in an effort to better meet his eyes with our changed position.

"Stop that" he growled, the pout still pasted to my face.

"Stop what?" I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes slightly - and having to clamp down on the laugh that threatened to burst from me at the action.

"Everything" Azriel responded cryptically, "Stop pouting that damn lip, for starters."

I sucked in a breath, habitually pulling my bottom lip into my mouth and biting softly on it.

That was it.

Azriel swooped upon me, pulling that lip from the cage of my teeth to capture it with his, kissing me possessively as he bit down on my bottom lip himself.

I hitched a leg over his waist, the inside of my knee nocking itself into the slight dip of his torso. It felt so natural - fit so perfectly. Azriel released a hand from my waist to hike that leg higher, to pull the rest of my body into the space it left open.

Releasing my lips, he bowed his forehead to touch mine, sighing softly, "I will not fuck you here, Y/N."

I whimpered softly and felt the evidence of what that sound did to him upon my stomach. My breathing became difficult, each inhale heavier and deeper than the last.

"Your mouth says no" I chuckled, pushing my chest closer to him, feeling the hardness of him grow in response to the added pressure, "But your body..."

"I have no doubt your own body is begging for it" Azriel cut in, the lust roughening his voice into a serrated edge, "I have no doubt what evidence I'd find between your legs"

Indeed.

My toes curled, my thigh constricting across his body with the same pressure I would apply if my thighs were together but the prick held tight to my leg, stopping me from withdrawing it and providing the much needed pressure I now craved.

"I will not fuck you here." He repeated, his head bending to brush his silken lips along the exposed column of my throat, trailing upward along the scope of it to the bottom of my ear where they pressed softly to my earlobe.

I shuddered gently against him and inhaled deeply. He was playing dirty...well, so could I.

Unlocking my fingers from each other, I extended a single hand towards that gauzy membrane, catching his eyes with mine so I could watch what it did to him as I brushed a finger along the inside of his wing, the feeling shockingly similar to his scars.

He hissed into my ear, his breath gusting into the shell of my ear as the hands around my waist and thigh tightened, the length of him hardening even more against my stomach. His eyes were set ablaze - not the simmering ember of Cassian's but an icy fire - a cold so harsh it burned and smouldered.

"Forgive me for wanting what I want" I whispered into his own ear, interlacing my fingers again as his wings shivered and then settled, "It has been a century."

"A century?" Gone was the lust from his voice - though he still remained hard against me, that icy flame still smouldering, "You haven't..."

I blushed at the unfinished question.

No, actually, I hadn't been with another male since I'd met Azriel. I'd had opportunities, people who were interested but...I could never bring myself to do it. No matter how many times Azriel took a female home.

"But I-" That guilt and self-loathing encroached upon his expression again and I shook my head emphatically.

Even Feyre Matchmaker had tried to convince me to take the edge off but despite having a need for touch, for taste, for contact - it was all for him. I refused to settle for any less. Even if that meant becoming a eunuch for the rest of my life.

"It doesn't matter" I assured him, "We had no obligations, no promises."

At that, he had no argument, no rebuttal. The guilt, however, still shone there, "I never knew how...deep your feelings went."

"You mean to tell me you don't feel as strongly?"

"No, of course not" Azriel rushed and I restrained a giggle, "I do feel for you - so deeply. So much so I thought maybe we-"

"Maybe we were mates?"

He nodded once.

"Feyre tells me the only way we can find out at this point is to..."

"I will not fuck you here" Azriel again said but there was no teasing, no seduction - just blatant fact, "When I fuck you, Y/N, I don't want any kind of audience. Just you and me."

The sultriness had once again creeped into his voice and I unsuccessfully tried to huff in disappointment...it just came out as a quivering breath.

"Sleep now" Azriel whispered, releasing my leg at long last in favour of stroking my hair, "You're exhausted."

"Ha" I let out a breathy chuckle, "You think I could even attempt to fall asleep after all that?"

"Try" he smiled, "After all, the sooner tomorrow comes...the sooner you do."

I breathed in shakily, toes again curling as I felt his words reverberate through my cool, the heat there building.

"Right. Sleeping now." I attempted to joke, closing my eyes suddenly.

"Wait" Azriel said and I opened my eyes again.

He moved forward, so slowly, and gently pressed his lips to mine. A soft, gentle kiss - the one we would have had after our heartfelt declarations had lust not gotten the better of us...well, okay, the better of me.

The heat in my core settled, instead sending a rushing wave of euphoria and light and happiness, soothing me until I...indeed did feel sleepy.

"Ass" I grumbled, as my eyelids slid closed again, this time heavier.

"I told you you were exhausted" he chuckled, pressing another light kiss to my brow before a different kind of darkness from his shadows pulled me under.


End file.
